I really miss my Dog.
Dealing with grief over a lost or departed companion; well, let's be honest. It sucks. Everyone has a story about their special relationship and each is a genuine and emotional story. I have one about a very special Jack Russell-Beagle Mix and I will parcel it out because my goal is to pass along some things I have learned to dampen the pain. Unless you have a heart of total stone, that pain of separation will never go away. You will remember and yes, tear up over the memories and perhaps the manner of death. It could also be that your companion just wasn't there when you returned home. Been there too and it can be just as bad. So, what to do.
First off, you need to deal with the situation at hand. Hopefully, you have a spouse or good friend that will listen because it is very important to not 'clam up'. This one thing can be the most damaging to your mental health. Folks, I was so torn up over Buster's death that it wasn't three hours after I buried him that I was at the Pound looking for him. Yeah, I was that messed up. I was lucky in a way. I do a lot of work for animal origination's' and they know me well down at the Animal Shelter. I was taken aside by a very good officer that had seen people like me go through this kind of tragedy and knew just what to do. His advice was sound and because I followed it to the 'T', (Yah, you just keep believing that!) my life is much better now.
1: If you have other dogs, lavish your attention upon them because they are missing your companion just as much as you are.
2: Do NOT go out and get another dog right away. I blew that one to my sorrow. She was a very small dumped off Belgian Griffon cowering in a dark corner of her kennel at the Pound. Littlebear was nothing like Buster but we needed and helped each other a lot. I took her home, she slept in a basket on my night table beside my bed but a month later some low-life stole her right out of my fenced side yard; so I had to deal with a double whammy of grief, but I followed his advice in number 3.
3: Give yourself about a month if you still want to try and fill the gap but do NOT get the same breed of dog. This is dangerous because you will be seeing your departed companion and he just will not have the same personality. (I blew that too but not until after several months had passed and she is a Parsons (Jack) Russell Terrier that is colored very different from Buster. Her info sheet told of how she had been ran over by a car and lived. Molly was the most beat up JRT I had ever seen with that thick tail wagging like a whip in her kennel and her eyes following me wherever I went. She's around five years old and I pity the fool that tries to take her. because she will rip them a new one!
4: What finally worked for me, and it was totally random or God helping me out; I got a call from a friend that lived far out in the country. They were military, being transferred and could only take three dogs. They had a white Lab that showed up, all ribs but friendly. The county sheriff's office had offered to 'put him down'. Did I want him? I had never owned a Labrador. I had never trained a dog that big, but I had a double lot thanks to a next-door mom-in-law that decided to pay for a large high wood fence for both lots as long as I built it. That solved the theft problem nicely and I LIKE the long ground-off nails I put at the top of each picket. As for Mum-In-Law, she's very near-sighted but,
"That Gate would look Soooo much better over there and, a walkway here would be nice. Watch out for my roses..."
Ugh, but well worth it and the Labby howling right under her window the first two nights... Sweeeet revenge.
5: Get involved in local dog groups! I help out at the local SPCA, Rescue The Animals shelter and it's great. You work with every kind of dog breed mixes there are. These places are tickled silly just to have someone pick out an abused shy dog and just sit, pet, talk and prove to it that not all humans are monsters. Most of these facilities are No Kill places so you don't have to worry about that. If anything, do it in the memory of your lost loved one.
Ok, you get the picture. Recovery is tough but I promise you that you are tough enough. If it makes you feel better, do what I did and build a Shadow Box for some of his smaller toys, tags and a long personal note to him. Keep foremost in your thoughts, all the good times together and always remember that our non-human friends may leave our lives but they will never leave our hearts.
Robert Sudbury
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